Genesis 1

In the beginning God created heaven and the earth.
{Good place to start, the beginning}
[yes i thought so too. shall we move along?]
{yes, yes}
And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
{without form? you're not trying very hard are you?}
[well I couldn't think of much else. what would you say things looked like before God made them?]
And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
{hold on a minute, who was he talkin' to? he hasn't created anyone yet.}
[well no-one he just said it didn't he.]
And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
{if the light was so good why'd he go and break it up?}
And God called the light day, and the darkness he called night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
{why's god talkin at all? you're making him out to be a nutter.}
[oh bugger off]
And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
{what's a firmament?}
[i don't know, some godly thing most like.]
And God made the firmament and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
{how does he divide the waters from each other if they're already seperated by the firmament?}
[well he's God isn't he? makes things easier you know, we don't really have to explain anything]
And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
{so this firmament is heaven?}
[I reckon so. It's what the book says.]
{it doesn't seem like a very nice place to me, this firmament. even limbo sounds much more fun.}
[well God hasn't created limbo yet so you don't have much choice do you?]
And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear: and it was so.
And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.
{there he goes again talking to himself.}
And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.
{how does the earth bring forth the grass? i thought only god could bring stuff forth.}
[god is doing that he just makes the earth do it]
{so it's the earth doing it and not god, just like i said.}
[it's god acting through the earth. he can do that]
And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
And the evening and the morning were the third day.
And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
{well that's good, we won't have to be painting them ourselves then.}
[not that kind of sign you stupid bloke. they're like omens and such.]
{ooh}
And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.
{wait is the firmament heaven or is it of heaven?}
[it's the same thing]
{no it's not at all, one means it is heaven, the other means it is in heaven.}
[it's one word of difference who's going to notice?]
And God made two great lights; the greater to rule the day, and the lesser to rule the night: he made the stars also.
And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,
And to rule over the day and over the night and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.
And the evening and the morning were the fourth day
And God said, let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.
{are you saying chickens came from the sea? i don't think they can swim very well.}
[haven't you ever heard of chicken of the sea?]
And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind and God saw that it was good.
And God blessed them, saying, be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas and let fowl multiply in the earth.
{don't you mean on the earth?}
[it's ok. besides my quill doesn't have an eraser, they've not been invented yet.]
And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.
And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
{now here you go just repeating yourself again.}
[I'm gettin paid by the page you know. And they wanted at least five books. I've got to fill 'em up somehow.]
And God said, let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
{what's this us and our stuff i thought there was only supposed to be one god.}
[they want one god, but come now, you and i both know there are many of them]
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
{now this is just ridiculous, your repetition is getting redundant.}
And God blessed them, and God said to them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
And God said, behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
{now this is no good, it's hard enough gettin the kids to eat their meat, what's going to happen once they read this?}
[they can't read anyway. even most of their parents can't read. we live in a very illiterate age. the church just won't tell them this part.]
And to every beast of the earth and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.
And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
{noone's going to want to read this tripe, it's getting awefully dull with all your repetition}
[nonsense they'll keep hearing "it was good" over and over and they'll start to think it no matter how bad it is]
{this is really just aweful}
[well you try and write about the creation of the entire universe then, see if you can do any better]
{fine I'll do just that.}